Thursday, October 8, 2009

Chase You Down Until You LOVE ME

I have a vice and her name is LADY GAGA.



"Paparazzi"
Lady Gaga

Friday, September 25, 2009

River Oaks Theater & Book Stop

I figure I should update this thing periodically.

Most of my stuff will be at www.balambgardenparty.com from now on. I'll try to make time for this personal blog, though. It's still my baby.

It makes me mad that the River Oaks Theater and the historic Book Stop building in Houston are going to be torn down soon. I know people can band together and stop these things from happening, but it's pretty rare. There are just some things that need to be left alone, which is usually said of the wilderness or protected park areas, but I think it should apply to historical buildings, too. I figure you can put anything you damn well please inside a building, but there's no real need to change the structure of the building. It's 99% of the reason I liked going to that Book Stop. Otherwise, it's a fucking Book Stop.

Houston needs more high rises like I need a dick for a tongue. It's stupid.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I Was Once A Private Man, Part One

02:41 am
you ain't fooling nobody with the lights out

having her here makes me feel pretty fucking excellent. i should be working but i keep getting distracted.

i love that she asks me lots of questions.

can't wait to sleep in my bed when i get home.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Business on the Top, Party on the Bottom

It's weird being a new patient at a dentist's office. I haven't really done that since I was seven or something like that. I had a cleaning/check-up today. I forgot that I had to fill out a ton of paperwork so I showed up right when the appointment was supposed to begin. Kind of a dumb move. I felt really bad about it.

The paperwork asked me if I was happy with my teeth from a cosmetic perspective. My answer was, verbatim, "Business on the top, party on the bottom."

No one acknowledged it, which was actually more satisfying, in a way.

Forgive the lyrics of today's song. Never mind the fact that they sound like Orgy doing Joy Division instead of New Order. Example: "Let's grow old together and die at the same time!"

Yep. Yepper do.




"To Lose My Life"
White Lies

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wacky Pranksters!

I quit my job after they took me down to ten hours a week, but most of you know this by now. I've already started a bunch of other projects and already have my previous employer asking for help with something (though it's slightly more complicated than that description).

I am thoroughly confused by this commercial. I don't get the dancing. I don't get the hamster yoga. I don't understand what's happening.

Also, I've posted the results of that quiz that Priya posted. I feel like I did this years ago and got something totally different -- I wish I could dig those results up. But David Letterman and John Belushi? Hmm. I do have weird teeth and love little chocolate donuts. I can't imagine the mongoloid who gets "Prankster" as a result. If you get that result, keep it to yourself and pretend I didn't just write that. I love you, whoever you are, and I'm sure you're not that stupid.

Your result for The 3 Variable Funny Test...

the Cutting Edge

(67% dark, 46% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)


your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK




Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.


PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi


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The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -


Take The 3 Variable Funny Test
at HelloQuizzy






"French Navy"
Camera Obscura

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Musical Confession to Be Given to My Father Upon My Possible Untimely Death

I've always claimed my mother's taste in music, which, in a pinch, I would describe to someone as "she don't like no pussy music." She likes the Stones and Zeppelin, Hendrix and Dylan (don't for one second think you can claim Dylan is pussy music even if it's more poetic and thoughtful). She's pounded these things into my skull and I'll always be thankful for it.

My father, on the other hand, likes the lighter fare. He listens to some country, which I abhor. He's been known to like the smooth jazz, which I can't get behind. He even likes some Beyonce, which I won't even comment on.

My dad's musical taste has always been a not-so-inside joke between my mom and I, which I know eats at my dad.

But here it is. My confession that he may or may not ever get to see.

I listen to Bonnie Raitt because of my father. I like Bonnie Raitt. A lot. I just remembered this. I remember this one day when he took me to work with him in his red Mitsubishi sports car in 1991 and played a Bonnie Raitt record the entire way to Las Colinas. I listened to "Not the Only One," originally written by an Irish dude, like 25 times. True facts, I just listened to it another 25 times much to the chagrin of Lauren.

This is, of course, a microcosm of my main point. I have my dad to thank for the other side of me that loves the lighter stuff. The guy who loves Azure Ray, Tracy Chapman, and Billy Joel has Bill Warren genetics to thank. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Word life.

So, remember this, Dad, the next time I bust your chops for blasting Shawn Colvin in your car, remember that deep down, I'm closing my eyes and singing "Sunny Came Home" as loud as I possibly can.

But I'll probably call you a pussy.




"Not the Only One"
Bonnie Raitt

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Those Days Have Long Since Passed

All of a sudden, I totally miss my Dreamcast.

Maybe Pablo will sell mine back to me. I bet he doesn't even have it anymore. I think I can still get one on eBay for less than $50, though. I'll have to look into it if Pablo got rid of it.

Work has been weird. Yesterday they were convinced that they would have to take a bunch of people (including your favoritest person in the whole wide universe) down to part-time work. That was before we realized there was a glitch preventing customers from emailing us, so at about 3pm yesterday we got an instant 50 cases as opposed to the one-per-hour rate we were at for about a week. Not sure where everything stands now. I wish they were a bit more communicative. I would've liked it the email had gone, "Yeah you're definitely going on part time start on X date" instead of "So things have been busy busy busy and we might have to start scheduling people for part time work but who knows when that'll be YARGH."

Just tell me and expect me to comply.

Sometimes I long for corporate management, which makes my six-year-old self want to ram all of his Matchbox cars up his ass.

I've been reading a lot, a lot, a lot of Pictures for Sad Children, which is adding to the overall feeling of hopelessness in the work-related arena. There are days, like today, that I just tell myself over and over that no matter how graduate school goes my wildest dreams will always be about as unrealistic as hoping for the ability to eat and eat and never get fat. It did occur to me, however, that my wildest dream growing up is actually kind of an odd reality. Working for a gaming company I really respect and love was always something I kind of scoffed at in my head, but now I'm close, both geographically and in terms of work in the arena, to fulfilling that dream. It's neat, for sure, but I'll believe it when I see it.

And, let's be honest, when I see it, I still won't believe it.




"Bang! Bang!"
The Knux

Monday, April 20, 2009

Misery Inspires

According to our big wig muckity mucks, last week was the slowest week in our company's history in terms of shipping orders. Not a great sign in any economy, but I suppose it's a bit more par for the course in the current economy.

That said, fuck being at work with nothing to do. Friday was worse, but Monday was pretty bad, too. I guess I should try to get some writing done if this persists. I just hate being at work and feeling like I can't do any other work -- probably because it would be kind of unprofessional to do other work at work.

Whatever.

I did get to listen to "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups like 38 times, though. God that band is like heroin to me. And they are like the Pumpkins. So what? It's like the Pumpkins became totally irrelevant a few years ago and these guys picked up the torch. That's totally fine by me. Let Corgan write Green Day songs and film music videos in front of upside down American flags and these guys can play frantic bleak rock. Their new album, Swoon, kind of says "fuck off" to the slower stuff from Carnavas and Pikil and decides to just get right into the high energy songs about revolutions and mental breakdowns. It's thoroughly trodden ground, to be sure, but it totally works for me. "Panic Switch," the first single from the album, has a totally irresistible chorus. It's "The Royal We," though, that so firmly tugs on my senses like Lovedrug's "Blackout" five years ago. It builds into such a fantastic climax that it was a total joy just having it on repeat all day like some lunatic reading Catcher in the Rye for the 263rd time. Love it. I wrote "Silversun Pickups Rool" in my own shit on my computer screen before I left.

What?

I have a long story about seeing Vidhisha for the first time in half a decade, but I'd rather go to bed. Besides, I know at least two of you know the story already. Later, perhaps. Maybe if work doesn't go so well for the third day in a row.

Which is likely. Goodnight, my chickens.




"The Royal We"
Silversun Pickups

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pirates v. United States Navy

I have to say, I would have been fucking stoked if, instead of hanging out in the Persian Gulf for the past week or so, my Naval officers had asked me, "Hey can you, uh, come chill off the coast of Africa for a few days and BLOW THE HEADS OFF OF SOME SOMALI PIRATES FOR US?"

I would be kind of jazzed about that.



"Life in a Northern Town"
The Dream Academy

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Eleven

Arya once got so drunk when we lived together in Sherman that, when asked when I should make sure he was awake in the morning, he responded by very loudly whispering the word "eleven" ten or so times. He would laugh and laugh each time. He didn't remember this.

Right? Is that how it went?

Anyway, I talked to someone much more drunk than that this morning. At my work. On the phone. Apparently this woman decided to get up from her bed in Bronxville, NY, have a fifth (or three) of Scotch, and call Despair to place an order for a few custom calendars. She rambled for a while about a woman on the phone who knew nothing about politics. She gave us her blessing to raise our prices if we needed to. She asked if "Enhancer" was a demotivator she could put on her calendar (it isn't.). She said "inevitabable" a few times. She told me she would talk to my supervisor about how outstanding I was on the phone. I passed on the offer.

America!

I don't want to work in customer service forever. Honestly, I don't want to work in customer service a day longer, but a job is a job and God knows how important that is right now.

I woke up this morning thinking about the day Marcia told our entire debate class that I had a crush on Celia -- in front of Celia. This was in Buenos Aires, of course. I also got into business school, in case you didn't know that, either.

Jesus.

Anyway, I think that day perfectly summed up the "suffering builds character" model so many nerds, geeks, and pariahs become closely affiliated with in their adolescence. I remember just weeks prior being approached by Marcia during a break between classes. I was looking out at the River like the emo bugger I was (AM!) when she sat down on a bench next to me.

She had this smug little grin on her face and flatly asked me how long it had been that I had a thing for Celia. I was surprised, I guess, but more defensive than anything. I think I asked her how she knew -- like it was some conspiracy, like my phone had been tapped or something. She said "It's so obvious." I guess I've never been good at hiding those kinds of things.

She asked me if Will, Celia's boyfriend and my very good friend, knew about this. And he did -- Marcia seemed to think that should be awkward or threatening, but truthfully Will was never threatened by this. I don't think he ever entertained the idea that I could be competitive with him. Can't blame him.

I was pretty terrified that Marcia would spill the beans, but she surprised me and ended up keeping the secret for a full two weeks before she wrote it on the white board in the middle of our debate class.

I don't think I ever really confronted Marcia about it after the fact, though this act convinced me of her hatred toward me. I think I still believe this, despite the fact that at one point I was speaking with her on the phone an average of an hour per night.

So yes, suffering builds character and all of that mess. Not that you asked. God knows you need another Buenos Aires story like I need another neuromuscular disorder/like Rhianna needs another elbow to her face/like Kanye West needs an extra mouth.

I just have so many dreams about the building, the school, that I start thinking about exactly what happened there. I can't figure out if it's the experiences that make me dream or if it's the dreams that make me think of the experiences.

This blog post was brought to you by my Xanga, circa September 2004. Holy Christ.

Sleep well! Elizabethtown soon!




"This Is Your Life"
The Killers

Amy's & Waits

I do love the Amy's. If you don't try the Belgian chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow combination before you die, you haven't really lived at all. I also guessed the movie quote correctly, which earned me a free crush-in.

Apparently I made the guy feel awkward about telling me I was one of the only people who got it all day. He just said it because I'm in a wheelchair and I look unkempt.

Maybe.

Anyway, here's the quote (no cheating!):

"Peach...I could eat a peach for hours."

Something I've noticed about Amy's -- and other Austin businesses in general, for that matter -- is that they offer a high-quality product but a shit way of selling it. They let really ugly, sweaty, hairy stoners handle your (really delicious) ice cream and then they blast obscure Tom Waits music over the speaker system.

Two things that aren't appetizing are hairy stoners and Tom Waits music. Sure, there's a hip kind of charm to these things, but appetizing they are not.

In fact, when I start business school (did you guys know I got into an MBA program!?!?!?) I'm going to make it my goal to analyze the demographic that is attracted to sweaty hairballs serving Tom Waits ice cream.




"Way Down in the Hole"
Tom Waits

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Snaggletooth

Elizabethtown actually is the worst movie ever, isn't it?

Let's all get drunk and watch it, OK? Let's make it a thing we do.




"Only the Lonely"
The Motels

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Great Moments in Asking a Girl Out

5/23/03

John: So, do you wanna do something sometime?
Heather: Uh...sure?
John: OK, great! So, I'll call you sometime...
Heather: Sounds...good.

1/30/05

John: So, you know I like you, right?
Jennifer: Oh...
John: Well, I do.
Jennifer: *rejects John for an hour*

2/14/05

John: So, uh, I wanna ask you something, but I feel I'll be hitting you with an awkward truck.
Lauren: Uh, haha.
John: So are you ready for the awkward truck?
Lauren: Uh, yeah.


THIRD TIME'S A CHARM YOU ASSHOLE.



"More Than This"
Roxy Music

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Braggy

I'm updating at work. Pretty bored.

I got really tired of seeing that fucking snow post at the top.

Ugh, I'm such a whore for snow.

I got into graduate school -- if you read this blog you probably already know that. It's coming off as braggy now, isn't it? Well I'm happy, dammit. I'll try to post some meaningful links describing the program at some later point in time. In two and a half years I'll be the CEO of BioWare, though. Just watch me.

Just. Watch. Me.




"Fallen"
Lauren Wood