About My New Old Dreams

I've always had vivid dreams. Anyone who's known me for more than five years knows that I have vivid dreams. They used to wear me out, but now they serve to do little but remind me of different times. They used to make me think about deeper meanings of things, but now they clarify the idea that things are only as deep as we want to make them.

Things are just more pleasant now. I still dream of the same things. I rarely have a dream I haven't had before. They usually involve the strife involved with teenage love or lust or obsession or some such -- you know, the ones with Marcia doing an interpretive dance of Jewel's "Hands" the same night Celia gave some speech to the 8th grade class about how friends are so important to her and never mentioned my name once. Or better yet, the ones where I take two girls to a formal dance and never pay attention to them as I watch Celia's every move. Sometimes I still have the ones about Heather's cold rejection in the aftermath of our relationship with the bleak, grey skies above. I have scattered dreams from college years, too, but they're less intense. I used to be so tired after these dreams.

The cool thing is that in each of these dreams I have a companion now. Maybe that's what makes everything more pleasant. Lauren's just a spectator, too -- she never interacts with anyone. She just sits there, next to me, watching my every social disaster. I don't think it's that deep. When I think of "me," I think of two people now. Maybe that's what love really is: when you get to the point that you don't separate yourself from that other person. Well, maybe that's what love really is to me.

I still experience the negative emotions in the dreams, but when I wake up I'm not stressed about it. It's fascinating to me.

I'll try explaining it within the context of one of the dreams when I'm less dead-tired. I have to drive to Hutto tomorrow. Woohoo!

Oh, it's my birthday. Weird.

Also, speaking of nostalgic dreams, I'm finally getting serious about this TV pilot. What's that? You don't know about that because I never tell anyone anything? Silly me.



"Inner City Pressure"
Flight of the Conchords