Um, Hello?

I don't need to go on a crusade for women. They can do it a lot better and more convincingly than I.

However.

Ohhhhhhhhhh boy, however.

There's a show on E! called "Stars Without Makeup" that I really do need to discuss.

You can guess what the show is about -- tabloid photos are shown of celebrities around town without makeup on. I have a lot of problems with this.

1) I'm no advocate of the idea that celebrities are just like everyone else and don't deserve the kind of scrutiny they get. I don't believe that. I believe that most celebrities, most celebrities, are in the spotlight because they want to be in the spotlight. They get the attention they want. My opinion, whatever. However, I think the behavior of said celebrities should be fair game for scrutiny, but not whether or not Eva Longoria eats lunch with Tony Parker without makeup. She should be scrutinized for eating fucking lunch with Tony fucking Parker, but not the makeup she does or does not wear. Angelina Jolie eats her baby's placenta? OK, that's game for scrutiny, but if she doesn't wear makeup, who gives a shit?

2) I'm getting very tired of the "I Love the....." formula -- people we don't and shouldn't care about spouting off about the absolute zero of popular culture. I don't care how many cars the backup dancers from Danity Kane have. No one should. And female celebrities choosing not to wear makeup is just about the bottom of the barrel.

3) The pictures don't even look that bad, for the most part. Nicolette Sheridan isn't wearing a stitch of makeup yet still looks better than most women I see in a day. Same goes for Kristen Davis.

4) They use mugshots. They kind of gloss over the reason behind the arrest (just a little written blurb at the bottom) and say things like, "Uh, couldn't Mischa Barton [who looked great, anyway] ask the police officer for a second to put on some lip liner? Uh, hellooooooooooo?"

5) They talk about makeup like it's something someone can apply in less than 10 seconds. Anyone who has at least ever spoken to a woman who wears makeup will call shenanigans on this one.

6) Most of the women appear to be wearing some form of makeup. Most are wearing some sort of eye liner or foundation. It's just nit-picky bullshit.

7) We're now to my biggest two reasons. Most of the women are doing something more or less noble or important when pictured. Like Felicity Huffman, for example, was running in a marathon in LA on a Saturday morning and wasn't wearing makeup. Yet they crucified her. Julianne Moore was pushing her child in a stroller for a morning walk. No makeup. Crucifixion. But it doesn't even really matter what they're doing. If they don't want to wear makeup, don't wear makeup.

8) I don't care how gay you are. I don't care how into women's fashion you are. I don't care how many awards you've won for designing women's clothes. If you are a man, you should not be bitching about a woman not wearing makeup. Seriously, don't do it. Be a fucking man. Don't be a fucking weasely prick acting all catty about women who wear less makeup than you. You're not a fucking fashion icon because you wear sparkly glitter makeup around your eyes and Katie Holmes doesn't. You can't be serious going on television and complaining about people who don't wear makeup. Frankly it's not even relevant that I brought up the gay thing. It's not. It just happens that every man on this show moaning about it was gay. I'd like to think that not all gay men feel like they can critique women willy nilly. I can't see Tim Gunn walking up to Heidi Klum and saying some bullshit about how she needs to wear more liquid liner. She's fucking Heidi Klum. Know better than you do now, you bottomfeeding dickwads. Get some class, fellas.

I know I seem very surprised that this show exists. I don't know why. It's just a step down from Perez Hilton. And frankly, women shouldn't be bitching about other women not wearing makeup.

Jesus.

*Sigh*

I just had to discuss that.




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